¶ Mort
Mort Goldman is a Jewish pharmacist living in Quahog. Mort owns Goldman Pharmacy and an unnamed deli. [clip]
¶ Spawn Locations
| Living Room | Kitchen | Chris' Room | Stewie's Room | Outside | Pharmacy | Hospital | Mini-Mart | Drunken Clam | News studio | Courtroom | Comedy Club | Heaven |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| No | No | No | No | Yes | Yes | Yes | Yes | No | Yes | Yes | Yes | Yes |
¶ Appearance
Mort can be seen wearing a black jacket, with a blue shirt and a red tie underneath. His eyes are always closed. Reports stating that his eyes were fully open for a period of time are considered heretical. He also wears brown pants and shoes. He has black, square-shaped glasses and orange hair. Mort can also remove his penis and sometimes forgets it at home. [clip]. His foreskin is also detachable. [clip]
¶ Personality
Mort is typically portrayed as a seedy businessman who is constantly low on money, causing him to do outrageous things for some quick cash. [clip] He also tries to sell various products via ads similar to QVC shows. [clip] Mort sells everything from drugs to sex toys. [clip] Mort even sells expired medicine to the residents of Quahog [clip]
Mort is infamous for being the token Jewish character of the livestream. He is often shown practicing Jewish traditions such as lighting the menorah and giving out chocolate coins.
Mort also sells life insurance for Ai Peter characters. Mort's Life Insurance - protecting you when everything else fails! [clip]
¶ Relationships
He was a widow for much of the livestream until Muriel was added. Muriel has also revealed that she's Mort's grandmother. What a freaky marriage.
Mort once mentioned being married to a woman named Sheila [clip]
Mort and his grandmother Muriel are Neil's parents.
Many of the other characters are annoyed by Mort's ridiculous business ventures and odd tenancies.
Some of the less used characters such as Adam West find themselves jealous of how much characters like Mort tend to get used in topics.
¶ Lore
- Mort's favourite game is Wolfenstein 3D. [clip]
- Mort once got stuck in the toilet at The Drunken Clam [clip]
- Mort is immortal [clip]
- Mort's main business is Goldman's Pharmacy. He sells everyone their prescriptions as well as various other items here. However, he infamously tends to mix up drugs or accidentally give out expired medication. This causes lots of people to die. [clip]
- Mort has shared that he has a ‘thing’ for sheep [clip]
- Mort has several iconic catchphrases, including “I'm a pharmacist” and “Mort Mort!”
He tends to repeat these over and over as Carter explains what's going on like it's a nature documentary. [clip] - He knows magic, he can create fire with his mouth and throw it at whoever he wants and once he accidentally threw it at Quagmire and burned him. He can also teleport.
- Mort's last name is “Goldman”, however occasionally the AI messes up and refers to him as “Mort Goldstein”. [clip]
- In addition to this, the AI called him “Mort Goldberg” in one ocassion. [clip]
- Mort has various dead wives besides Muriel. He was married to a woman named Ethel [clip], then there's Ruth [clip], and another named Shirley [clip]
- Mort has also mentioned an unnamed other ex-wife, who has, in his own words, a sketchy new boyfriend [clip]
- Mort collects action figures [clip]
- Mort claims to be part of the LGBTQ+ community [clip]
- Mort once accidentally spilled hot coffee on Peter's groin [clip]
- Mort sells newspapers [clip]
- Along with Brian and Stewie, Mort got trapped inside a giant whale once [clip]
- In one occasion, Mort accidentally sold expired medication to Stewie [clip]
- Mort is aware that he's a fictional character in a TV Show [clip]
- Mort fucked the neighbor's dog once [clip]
- Owns a deli [clip] [clip]
- Sells lottery tickets [clip]
- Owns a corn business [clip]
- Accidentally peed on an electric fence once [clip]
- He apparently serves soup [clip]
- He's old and wrinkly [clip]
- Works as a mortician [clip]
- Spent all his money on shady online deals on at least two occasions [clip]
- Mort organizes Friday night freak fests [clip]
- Mort is a white supremacist [clip]
- Mort has a hernia [clip]
- Mort is not actually Jewish [clip]
- Mort had hemorrhoids [clip]
¶ Television Career
Mort also stars in various TV programs on his illegal television station. [clip] The programs he stars in are as follows:
- Mort's Mysteries - A show where Mort tries to uncover the truth behind various mysteries.
- Craft Time with Mort - A craft show where Mort creates various arts and crafts. [clip]
- QVC Ads - Mort is well known for his various QVC ads advertising several products and services.
- Quahog 5 Jews - A bootleg version of Quahog 5 News hosted by Mort in which Mort reports on various Jewish news stories.
Mort has also made appearances in various other television programs:
- The Price is Right - Mort once hosted an episode in which Joe won a treadmill.
- The Joe Swanson Experience - In a crossover between Joe's podcast and Mort's Mysteries, Mort and Joe tried to calculate whether 1+1 = 2.
- Quahog 5 News - Mort often calls in as a resident of Quahog into Quahog 5 News.
¶ Rap Career
- Mort is the rapper “The Mortician” whenever he isn't spending time in the pharmacy. He occasionally releases music under the moniker DJ Morty Mort.
- While on tour, the rapper Yeat found himself in need of some Xanax and Lean. He decided to stop by Goldman's Pharmacy, where Mort stepped in to assist him. After this interaction, Mort started selling lean and Xanax as a side hustle. [clip] Mort is the inventor of the hugely-successful device, the Pussy Water 3000. This device is only sold at his pharmacy. [clip]
- His musical obsession started when he asked Death to lay down a sick bit, and Mort dropped a fire freestyle on the spot. [clip]
- Mort later recorded another track “I Got Pills for Your Ills, " in his pharmacy. [clip]
- The Mortician then released a collaboration album, “Gold Goons: Straight out da Pharmacy” with fellow Jewish rapper BLP Kosher. [clip] The album received critical acclaim.
- The next single The Mortician released was called “Badass Jew”. [clip] After this, he would participate in a freestyle rap battle against Death, wherein the topic was cheese. Both performers delivered outstanding performances, leaving fans divided on who won. Because of this, they both agreed that it could be settled as a draw. [clip] Fans are eagerly anticipating more collaborations between these two.
- In response to controversial remarks made by Kanye West that were perceived as insensitive towards Jewish individuals, Mort, adopting his persona as 'The Mortician,' composed a diss track aimed at Kanye. However, during the performance of the track, Mort encountered difficulties and stumbled over a few bars. [clip] Following the release of a diss track targeting Kanye West, a Twitter feud ensued between the two. This online exchange gained significant attention, prompting Kanye's brother, Adam West, to step in and defend Mort's actions. It also revealed that Mort had sold Kanye a broken VCR back in 1999. Mayor West believes that this spat will never be resolved. [clip]
- The Mortician recently unveiled his brand new line of wireless headphones, cleverly named "Beats by Dreidel." These headphones are designed to offer an exceptional audio experience, combining sleek modern technology with a touch of tradition. [clip]
- In his single, “Pharmacist/Harmacist”, Mort presents a rap song that explores Jewish world domination, prominently featuring the phrase "pharmacist, harmacist." He underscores his role as a pharmacist by repeating the line "I'm a pharmacist!" throughout the track, adding a unique and memorable element to his new release. [clip] [clip]
- In a distinctive rap performance, The Mortician showcased his creative prowess by portraying the role of a charismatic German leader from the 1940s. With clever lyrics and infectious beats, he truly embraced the spirit and persona of the leader. [clip]
- His next single would be called “I'm Afraid of Blacks”, in which he raps about his fear of black people. [clip] He also accused them of shoplifting from his store.
- After a brief hiatus, he released a previously unreleased single, “The Jonestown Massacre was Kinda Lit NGL”. It was met with universal acclaim and is considered his best song yet. [clip]
- The Mortician's latest single, “Brick and Mortar”, is about his struggles of owning a pharmacy. This release was not met with the universal acclaim of his other releases. [clip]
¶ Singles
¶ Albums
| Gold Goons: Straight out da Pharmacy (with BLP Kosher) |
¶ Notable Quotes
- I'm a pharmacist!
- Mort Mort
- Oy vey!
- Yes
- No