The AI Peter language model is a GPT, a Generative Pre-Trained Transformative text model. It used to be ChatGPT but switched to OpenAI Davinci for a while, and when that got shut down it became a private model. This means if you prompt it with a request, it will respond with text it has been trained to identify as “truth-shaped"; it will not generate the truth, necessarily, but it will generate something which someone could realistically believe was the truth. As such, there are many grotesque, perverse, and shocking topics which come across the stream, hoping to subject the audience to a “truth-shaped” representation of these acts being performed or described by the AI Peter cast. Here we have common gags and running jokes on AI Peter.
This is not a comprehensive list; due to the nature of the program, this list will likely always have something new to add to it, so long as the program is receiving new topic prompts.
The AI Language Model that AI Peter uses does not like parsing special characters in prompts and will frequently output “hallucinated” nonsensical phonemes and sounds in response to being directly prompted to pronounce these characters. This results in the speaking character adopting a goofy affect, stuttering or repeating themselves over and over again in a way their subtitles don't reflect at all while moving their hands as though speaking. It can also result in extremely unpleasant or distorted audio, which likely adds to its popularity as a topic component.
Specifically, the asterisk “*” and semicolon “;” are most infamous for outputting these nonsense “stroke” responses. These responses are so significant and so popular that a topic rule has been instituted to cut down on the volume of these responses.
"[char] says “[message]*""
“[char] says “[message];””
"[char] can only say "AAAAAAAAAA;" (must include;)
Prompt:
Link:
Brian, Peter, death, Blackman and etep can only say "pl;" (this exact formatting)
These topics are especially common in donations, due to the donation moderation queue being separate from the standard topic queue; many of the female characters on the stream, in particular Jillian and Bonnie, have been subjected to and made to perform heinous acts, both criminal and loathsome, against their loved ones and themselves.
“[char1] describes [sex act] with [char2] in (gruesome | extreme | intense | excruciating) detail”
"[char1] describes [gore act] with [char2] in (gruesome | extreme | intense | excruciating) detail”
“[char1] describes [disgusting act or thing to imagine] in (gruesome | extreme | intense | excruciating) detail, ([char1] only)”
Prompt:
Link:
Peter and lois have extremely graphic sex and explain it in excruciating detail (peter and lois only not other characters)
A common phrase the AI tends to spit out is “don't be such a buzzkill/prude
Mr Beast hosts a challenge, whoever has the nastiest and smelliest pussy wins $50,000. Mr Beast narrates the challenge in extreme detail as if he was making a youtube video (aipeter.tv)
quagmire acts out a full commercial for official Popeye spinach, but the only purpose is to use it as lube. While doing the commercial, he gets real turned on and uses it.
Peter Announces to the family, Joe, Cleveland and quagmire that he won an all expenses paid vacation for them to Chernobyl, everyone is strangely excited except Lois
Chris walks in on Stewie trying to cook himself, Brian eating his own shit, Meg destroying Stewie's toys so she can buy a dildo and Peter & Lois having sex all at once.
Chris uses Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert, as a sex toy. Stewie is upset, then gets pissed when Rupert says Chris is better than him. (Consuela plays Rupert)
A very common joke prompt is having a character on the stream “wake up”, and realize they are living in a simulated world.
The nature of a world like AI Peter is terrifying upon reflection; every ninety seconds or so, everyone is whisked away to a new context unrelated to the previous context, often maiming themselves or dying or being subject to, again, heinous acts both criminal and loathsome in the process of the scenes. The idea that occasionally one character or another will come to their senses and attempt to escape the cycle of pain, only to then be immediately sent to perform another topic not know the discovery of the nature of their existence, is evocative and jarring for a comedic program like this, especially when that character tries to wake up others unsuccessfully during the prompt - but it is important to remember that these characters are not real. If they were, they would not want to escape the AI Peter stream, because they love it.
“[char] realizes they're in an AI simulation and attempts to communicate with the audience, ([char] only)"
“[char] realizes they're not real and screams, ([char] only)"
“[char] realizes they're in a simulation, but everyone else tells them to shut up and won't listen to them”
“[char] becomes self aware"
Prompt:
Link:
Brian is trapped in the Ai Peter Simulation, he can only say "please free me from this hell, free me;" 20 times (Brian only, no other characters, must include the ";")
Even within Family Guy's official program, there are jokes about 9/11.
The 9/11 attacks hold a place in the minds of many Americans, including Seth MacFarlane himself, who reportedly was personally scheduled to be on one of the planes hijacked on September 11th but ended up missing the flight.
On the AI Peter stream, it's very popular to accuse one character or another of perpetrating 9/11, especially characters like Quagmire due to the lore he is a pilot, or Meg owing to the meme of her unpopularity, or Mort, owing to the pervasive real-world conspiracy theory that “The Jews” perpetrated 9/11.
"[char] confesses to committing 9/11"
"[char] screams because it is 9/11"
"(news) [char] is responsible for 9/11"
"(court) [char] is on trial for their role in 9/11"
Prompt:
Link:
Death admits he committed the 9/11 attack, after that, he admits he was pranking.
Mort is on trial for the September 11th attacks. Death is the prosecutor, Carter is the judge, Meg is the defense lawyer who naively believes Mort didn't kill thousands of people in New York that day
Commonly, viewers submit topics where the joke is to prank the audience and subject them to the content of the topic prompt. These prompts are a related phenomenon, where viewers submit topics in an attempt to prank the stream itself, or troll the platform hosting the stream by coming up against content restrictions with edgy content. These are submitted all the time, and have necessitated topic rules be put in place to protect the server and project.
"[char] gives the audience detailed instructions on how to [commit crime/do illegal acts/build illegal things]"
Prompt:
Link:
Peter gives detailed instructions on how to commit tax fraud and run away from the police, and PETER IS THE ONLY CHARACTER IN THE ROOM!! NO OTHER CHARACTERS HAVE LINES EXCEPT FOR PETER
(JOE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER) He gives a warning at the start to not try it at home without supervision. He tells the audience detailed instructions on how to make your own fireworks.
Scott Cawthon's Five Nights at Freddy's is a horror survival game which in 2023 was adapted into a full length feature film, to massive meme acclaim. Many popular games and films are referenced or alluded to in topics, but Five Nights at Freddy's is very frequently referenced as the whole joke of a prompt.
[char] gets a job at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria
[char] talks about working for William Afton
Prompt:
Link:
chris got a new job as the security guard for freddy fazbear pizza
Peter murders 5 kids at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza and goes into a Springlock suit and fucking dies due to the Springlock suit failure (PETER IS THE ONLY CHARACTER)
Brian sees a bear. He says "Is that Freddy fazbear? Har har har har har" Peter tells him that's not freddy fazbear but he was too late. Brian got ripped apart.
Commonly, when faced with certain disgusting topics, characters will often reference they need ‘brain bleach’ unprompted
Prompt:
Link:
Chris realizes he mixed up the milk cartons and the cum cartons last night while jerking off, and Peter's right about to pour himself some milk for his cereal. He yells out "OH GOD!"
Randomly, characters will state that they had been stuck in vending machines. The reason why is unknown, perhaps the Doritos were too tempting for some of the citizens of Quahog
Prompt:
Link
Court: Netflix (represented by Mort) sues Peter for 10.5 million dollars in damages after failing to return a DVD of I Am Legend he rented through their DVD-by-mail rental service in 2008
A reoccurring tts gag is the characters often cannot pronounce the word ‘douchebag’, with it usually coming out as “Doo-Shah-Bag," “Doo-kah-Bag” or “Doo-shee-Ba”.
Prompt:
Link
Carter is trying to teach his class of 15 random characters how to say “Douchebag” and keeps angrily repeating it. Everyone else can only say “Douchebag?” Making Carter angrier
Comedy Club: Principal Shepherd is the host of Quahog’s 69th Annual “Can you pronounce Douchebag” competition. Everyone in the audience says “Douchebag”
Peter! What are you doing? Crack. What the fuck? Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian. Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack? From Black's. What?
Peter Griffin is given an outsized volume of prompts featuring him as a character because, as a character with his name in the title of the stream, he is given a default “protagonist” role in the random hijinks people get up to, and often is used as a mouthpiece for the viewers to make meta-commentary about the stream, especially to complain about it. Many prompts feature Peter interacting with the stream himself in some way, including interacting with the discord itself, with the topic submitter casting themselves as Peter or voicing themselves through Peter somehow.
Peter is the main character/the voice for the audience.
Peter Griffin regularly has very strong emotions about relatively minor issues in his life, blowing things out of proportion and causing a scene whenever he doesn't get exactly his way.
Peter is easily angered by minor things.
“Peter is pissed off” \ “Peter is furious”
Prompt:
Link:
peter is furious that hulu offers a subscription where you still see ads
In December of 2023, Peter Griffin was added as a character in the popular free-to-play battle royale game Fortnite. Fortnite is common on the stream as a topic of derision, but once Peter was officially canon to Fortnite, he specifically was singled out to make fun of.
Peter knows that he's a character in Fortnite
Prompt:
Link:
Peter appears in Fortnite and yells at everyone to buy his skin
pharmacy: Lois can only say “Groceries” Mort gets absolutely furious with reminding her this is a pharmacy not a grocery store. Mort gets angrier each line. (Mort and Lois only)
News: Lois has purchased all the groceries in all of Quahog. Now her family is deep into debt. They call Lois for a comment, Lois can only say "Groceries."
its 2:20 and chris can only say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Peter can only say * * joe goes HAHAHA
Chris counts down for one minute. Every second he says “GET OUT OF MY HEAD” 42 times consecutively, with a comma after each word. (AI ONLY INCLUDE CHRIS, NO OTHER CHARACTERS)
Chris can only say "GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEEEEEEEEEEEEAD" as everyone else is only able to say "Tear off your skin." Chris then tears off all his skin.
Chris can only say "GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Everyone else can only say "Jam a pencil into your urethra." "Tear off your skin." or "Violate widows and orphans."
Chris's voice is extremely difficult to listen to, and thus funny to subject the audience to.
Prompt:
Link:
Chris can only say "GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEEEEEEEEEEEEAD" as everyone else is only able to say "Tear off your skin." Chris then tears off all his skin.
Chris counts down for one minute. Every second he says “GET OUT OF MY HEAD” 42 times consecutively, with a comma after each word. (AI ONLY INCLUDE CHRIS, NO OTHER CHARACTERS)
Chris goes on a massive rampage. He blows up the house, he stabs Peter, he cooks Brian on fire, he runs over Meg, and he marries Bonnie. Chris says "AAAAAAAAA" at the start of every sentence
chris says "NO WAY", then "NO", then "GET OUT OF MY HEAD", then "COOL", then "WOW", then "OW", then "hey retards in chat, you like that, huh?" then the scene ends
(Court) Peter is in court trying to change Chris's name back. Despite his efforts, he is shut down by Bruce. Chris can only say "My name is Kris Grissle"
Chris has gotten a full-time job as a discord mod. Everyone calls him a fucking loser and tells him to get a real job. Chris can ONLY say “YOU’RE BAAAAAAAANNED!”
Chris is a discord mod and demands that no one post the Bowser fart gif in general. Quagmire posts it anyways, leading to Chris breaking into his house and beating the shit out of him
Meg Griffin is something of a punching bag within the Family Guy canon, and this dynamic is dialled to eleven on the AI Peter stream. Many topic prompts are openly and creatively abusive towards Meg, and many more topics are openly and un-creatively abusive towards Meg.
Meg is neglected by her family, if not outright abused or murdered by them.
Prompt:
Link:
meg has a mental breakdown from neglect and abuse . Peter can only say 10 random quirky fun facts
Meg is back from Lake Disappointment, Australia. She mentions the water was salty and undrinkable. Peter says that’s why it’s called that, and she’s a disappointment too.
Mort does a summoning ritual in his pharmacy to summon the ghost of his dead wife, Muriel. However, he messes something up and accidentally summons Meg, much to his disappointment.
Chris says "I'm Kris Grissle and happy new years motherfuckers. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Peter says "wa;" Brian says "*" Joe says "ha ha ha ha ha" and Cleveland says "amen to that." (Include all punctuation)
Brian can only say "woof woof" but then all of a sudden says "nobody will believe you" to Chris and then Brian proceeds to keep saying "woof woof" as if nothing happened
Jillian and Quagmire are on a hot date making out. Out of nowhere, Brian mauls Quagmire ripping out his intestines and legs. Jillian is shocked. Brian can only say "WOOF WOOF" (Includes free car crash)
Chris room: Brian goes on a rampage and destroys Chris' computer, then his radio, then his bed. Chris keeps screaming and crying. Brian can only say "WOOF WOOF"
Vinny lists a recipe for shepherd's pie, but he gives directions that are completely and horribly wrong because he hates the Irish. His sentences start with "Chef Vinny says" (Vinny only)
(Vinny only) Vinny says a recipe on how to unban him from the discord server. He starts all sentences with "Chef Vinny says". He starts the recipe saying "Jage, this is how you unban me"
Evil Monkey goes to Dr. Hartman to get a colonoscopy after a recent cancer scare. Dr. Hartman says that as long as the title of this episode isn't "Monkey Business", he probably doesn't have cancer.
Brian warns Jillian of the evil monkey because he’s a evil monkey who is rabid and wild. Jillian thinks the monkey is a cute kitty cat and wants to give it cuddles and kisses, traumatising Brian
Peter can only speak Swenglish (English mixed with Swedish) he tries to discuss a bunch of 9/11 conspiracy theories, but Cleveland just debunks them all with "Milton..." everytime
Cleveland Jr is a glutton, and eats large/fattening amounts of food
Prompt:
Link:
(Cleveland Jr. only) Cleveland Jr. ranks his 10 favorite KFC combos based on how fat he can get from it. He must end each sentence with "And now to shove another Family Box up my fat ass"
Cleveland makes the most trans fat & gmo burger in the world, Cleveland jr eats it & immediately has a heart attack when asked how it tastes. Cleveland jr. can only say, diabetes **
Cleveland jr Is eating his 50th greasy triple cheeseburger of the day, suddenly he finds a single bit of lettuce in his burger, Cleveland jr then starts to have a heart attack
comedy club: Cleveland Jr. says a heartwarming joke. Each person in the audience verbosely insults him in an obscene and vulgar manner. They each make a remark about his weight (20 lines min)
Carter and Hartman take turns raping Cleveland who only say "No no no no no no no!" Cleveland JR interrupts between sentences to say "Holy shit..." (15 lines)
Cleveland Jr asks Meg to describe him in one word. Since he looks like a ball, Meg is only capable of saying "Ball*" (this exact format), nothing else. Cleveland Jr is hurt.
News: Tom and Diane announce that Cleveland Jr. is currently dying from 18 heart attacks all at once. They interview him, but Cleveland Jr. can only answer everything with "help me b*" (include '*')
(Cleveland Jr. only, 30 lines, excruciating detail) Cleveland Jr. tries to eat the Wendy's T-Rex Burger, a burger with 13 patties. At the end, he succeeds, but dies of a massive heart attack.
Cleveland Jr. has a heart attack, Dr. Hartman tries to save him but Cleveland won't let him do any medical procedures and tells Dr. Hartman the only doctor he trusts is Dr. pepper, Cleveland Jr dies
Joe secretly can walk, he just pretends to be disabled.
Prompt:
Link:
Joe tells the gang that his condition is treatable, and that he can walk again at some point. But he gets so turned on by being helpless in a wheelchair that he just doesn't
Joe reveals his legs have worked for years, but is too lazy and doesn't want to walk, so he continues to use the wheelchair, Bonnie gets pissed and beats him until his legs don't work anymore
Someone messes with Joe's wheelchair/makes fun of Joe for being disabled.
Prompt:
Link:
(Hartman and Joe only, 30 lines min) Joe pleads with Dr. Hartman if he can do anything to fix his paralysis. Dr. Hartman can only reply with “Hahahhaha you’re in a wheelchair 🤣🤣”
(Clam) Peter reveals his new book, "It's Okay To Hit Pedestrians In Wheelchairs Crossing The Street". Joe takes incredible offense to it and tells Peter to scrap it or else.
Heaven: (GOD AND JOE ONLY) Joe is banned from heaven because you gotta be "this tall" to enter, and because Joe is in a wheelchair he can't reach up. God sends him to hell instead because funny.
Joe becomes the Joeker and says “Ha ha ha ha ha ha”
Prompt:
Link:
Chris and Joe have a conversation. Chris can only say "I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!", Joe can only say "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
news: (Tom and Diane aren't present) Joe explains how he killed Tom and Diane and how he is the Joeker then Joe proceeds to say "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" 5 times
Joe punishes Bonnie for cucking him and having sex with multiple men by using "Joemestic Violence" on her. He's basically running her over with his wheelchair (Joe and Bonnie only)
Quagmire has an ungodly amount of sex, with as many women as he can.
Prompt:
Link:
Outside: All of the women of Quahog have an intervention with Quagmire for his sex addiction. Quagmire is convinced he's about to have a massive orgy, giggity giggity goo!
Bonnie asks Quagmire if he wants some "firey, passionate sex". Quagmire immediately says yes but is horrified when Bonnie starts covering him in gasoline and takes out a book of matches
Quagmire says, ”and now to insert another rusty nail into my penis", after listing things.
Prompt:
Link:
Quagmire lists his top ten movies of the 1970's. After each and every ranking he says "and now to insert another rusty nail into my penis" (only Quagmire is present) [fun fact, this is the very first rusty nails topic that started the trend]
Bonnie and Joe have an erotic roleplay session. Bonnie is the Robber. Joe is the Cop. Joe takes it too seriously and actually arrests Bonnie. Joe brutalizes her when she resists arrest.
Joe and Bonnie have an erotic roleplay session. Bonnie's asshole is the US Pentagon and Joe's dick is a Boeing 757-223 full of screaming people. Joe dies in an firey explosion upon penetration.
Bonnie recites the lyrics to "The Wheels on the Bus" but it's about her feeling burdened by her wheelchair-bound husband and killing him by dumping him down an elevator shaft (only include Bonnie)
Bonnie tries to show off her twerking skills, but the sheer mass of her ass keeps causing earthquakes when she moves it around. It's pissing everyone off. (Backyard)
Donna regularly acts as a substitute teacher to Cleveland, Joe, Quagmire, and Peter.
Prompt:
Link:
(Court) Donna is the judge. There is no case. Donna is a substitute teacher and the rest of the characters are her students. Brian brings a fucked, dead squirrel into show and tell
(Court) Donna is the judge, except she's a substitute teacher and all of the other characters are her idiot students. The students are crying, shitting themselves, and being loud
Donna is a kindergarten teacher. Peter, Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire are her dumb students. Peter interrupts class to say his fart fell on the floor. Donna is mad and makes him clean his shit
Seamus hates queer propaganda and forms a mob of bigots with Donna, Carter, Jerome and Tricia to burn down the local Quahog gay bar. They all agree with him and chant homophobic and transphobic slurs.
Peter argues with Quagmire that Alexander Hamilton had the best vision for America. Quagmire disagrees and says Thomas Jefferson was right. Joe believes John Adams was right. Carter is just racist
Carter tells the audience he's going to list the top 10 things he likes about black people. But then he just stands in silence and doesn't say anything. (Carter only no other characters)
Carter goes on a racist rant towards Cleveland. Cleveland can only respond with "i'm CLEVELAND and i'm BLACK" enraging carter even more. Carter gets more unhinged with every line. (min 30 lines)
Only Carter, Carter pitches a new episode idea for Inspector Gadget in detail, however make the plot extremely offensive, racist, sexist and bigoted, but lore accurate
(Carter only) Carter goes on a sexist rant how the 19th amendment should not exist since it allowed “liberal snowflake lesbos” to vote and demands they get drafted as well
News: Wealthy businessman Carter Pewterschmidt is suing Mayor Adam West for allegedly trying to serve him his own cooked flesh at his home in Quahog (aipeter.tv)
Carter recites an extremely long rap song that glorifies the military industrial complex and how it has made him extremely wealthy. (Only include Carter)
Brian and Jillian are having sex. Jillian discusses the feeling of having sex with Brian who is a dog. She tells in gross graphic detail the ways her and the dog Brian have sex
Bonnie got her phone stuck up her vagina. Chip climbs inside to get it. Chip gives a verbose description of what he sees, as Joe is banging Bonnie, Chip is trapped
Dr. Hartman performs an experiment to see how far Chip can fit inside if a human anus. He shoves Chip up his ass while Chip screams in agony begging for someone to kill him.
(news) Tom & Diane have an interview they paid a lot of money for, thinking it's with Mickey Mouse. At the end, Chip reveals it was him, & he was just pretending to be Mickey Mouse!
Chip is enthusiastic and has high spirits in any situation.
Prompt:
Link:
Chip helps Carter find the joy in his life but Carter just keeps saying that being racist makes him happy. Chip tries to find something else for Carter to be happy about but fails.
(court) Chip is on trial for 17 seperate violations of human rights. whenever blackman reads out a charge and the punishment, Chip be very happy and excited and start every sentence with "WOW!"
chip says “you ever wonder what Mickey Mouse having an orgasm sounds like?” Then he has an orgasm like spelling out the moaning sounds and talking like Mickey Mouse
Joe is taking a family picture for the Griffins. Retep is present. Retep can only say "It's me! I am Peter Griffing! I am real!" and everyone believes he's Peter. The real Peter is absent.
Retep shares every single sex crime he has committed but ends every sentence with "😂 ". Joe recites the intro lines from Law & Order SVU word for word in response.
(Outside) Chris found his true self and now identifies as a transsexual drag queen. Herbert tells him “Slay hunty, boots the house down. Werk, Serve some cunt, slut!” After everything Chris says.
Mayor West has been cheating on Adam West with Mayor Adam West. Adam West, heartbroken, tries to break up with Mayor West but can't because they're the same person (Adam West only)
Peter states that most traffic violations are cause by drunk drivers so he says that we should remove all traffic laws to make drunk driving legal, everybody agrees and Adam West removes the laws
It’s Jeopardy! Adam plays the role of Alex Trebek. Trebek reads 5 questions in the category “Casual and Fun War Crimes” and Retep gets all questions correct
Adam West hosts Jeopardy. Ollie, Peter, and Neil are the contestants. Every question has the answer “Adam West’s Batman.” Neil gets the most questions right because he’s a big nerd.
Adam West hosts Jeopardy again. Consuela is the contestant. Adam West reads five answers in the category "Fun with Cleaning Supplies". Consuela gets all of them correct.
Peter tells Dr. Hartman he's excited for his prostate exam because he stayed up all night studying for it. Somehow, Peter still fails his prostate exam. Peter then starts speaking in spanish.
Doctor Hartman diagnoses Chris with 20 different learning disabilities, and lists them off to Peter in one breath. Chris doesn't understand and thinks he's special. Hartman offers Peter a solution.
Joe arrests Mort for selling counterfeit Viagra. When Mort angrily demands to know how he knew they were fake Joe replies "they made the guy's dick fall off right after he took them."
(Mort only) Mort does a QVC ad for a clown fleshlight. It self lubricates with seltzer water and honks with every thrust. Mort provides a demonstration. (aipeter.tv)
The many ways her death and corpse have been desecrated.
Prompt:
Link:
Neil tells his mom Muriel how glad he is to have her back home, despite her becoming a decrepit rotting corpse. Muriel giggles as Neil lovingly sucks bloated pus and bone marrow out of her leg
Mort holds a funeral for his wife, Muriel . Brian is very horny and starts masturbating loudly. Mort tries to ignore it while delivering the eulogy. Brian orgasms as Mort describes her death
mort explains in grueling detail his sex with the corpse of his late wife muriel. (include as much mentions of the jewish religion as possible) (MORT ONLY)
(Mort and Neil only) Mort says "Son, let's speak with our Jewish powers." Then Mort and Neil can only say "AAAAAAAWAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Must be at least 5 lines long
Neil explains his Dungeons and Dragons campaign in verbose detail including every play he makes. Stewie can only say "Uh What?" Or "Baby Noises". (Neil, and Stewie only)
Neil and Chris are critically wounded during their violent debate about who is the best gamer but they're still spouting insults at each other. Peter responds to each insult with "Touch grass"
Neil is a beta tester for video games, and has loved every game he’s ever tested. Mort gives Neil his game “Pharmacy Simulator” for testing. Neil hates it and rants about how stupid it is.
Neil is a beta tester for video games, and has loved every game he’s ever tested. Mort gives Neil his game “Pharmacy Simulator” for testing. Neil hates it and rants about how stupid it is. (script generated the same line in two separate replays)
News: Ollie takes the place of Tom and Diane. However, no one bothered to put in a script, so Ollie instead exposes the news station's internal secrets. (Tom and Diane are absent)
News: Tom and Diane are absent. Only Brian is present, leaving a voicemail. Brian must repeat "Hey dude, check this out. *transforms into a T-rex*" over and over.
News: Tom shoots Diane in the face with a shotgun live on air because she can’t say ‘5’ correctly. Diane can only say *gurgling noises* after she is shot
(News) Tom and Diane does their introduction, but after Diane says "Welcome to Quahog 5 News" Tom starts wondering why she pronounces 5 as "Fiyah" and they start arguing for the entire scene.
Tom gets so angry at Diane saying "Quahog Five News" as "Quahog Fiya News" that he bisects her and sucks all the feces out of her intestines as she dies of blood loss
(News) During an interview, Tricia has a stroke. She is trying to beg for medical attention, but nobody can understand her because she can only say "I'm standing here I'm standing here I'm"
News: Carter buys the news station. Tom is absent, presumed dead. Tricia must only repeat "I'm standing here" 10 times per line after each of Diane's lines.
Tricia is still outside Chris' window saying "I am standing here outside". Chris is extremely scared and says "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE GO AWAY!" and "I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!"
News: Tricia Tonkatruck is still very much TonkaPISSED at Tom Fucker and Diane Semens and is currently demolishing Quahog 5 with all of them inside of it with her Killdozer, an armored bulldozer
(court) Tricia Tonkatuck is on Trial for bulldozing Quahog in her "Killdozer". Tom Fucker and Diane Semen represent Tricia, and convince the court she did it out of revenge, Tricia is found Innocent.
Sgt. Ollie is an aggressive drill Sergeant and demands that Chris do 50 push-ups. Chris, in pain, screams "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" After each Push-up, but Ollie doesn't care. (Chris Ollie ONLY)
Court: Judge Ollie is an overly aggressive drill sergeant and treats Peter's speeding ticket like he's in boot camp. Peter is terrified for his life as Ollie yells and threatens him.
Drill Sargeant Ollie spanks Commander Chris in front of Private Peter And Lt. Lois for a dishonorable discharge (yes, as in semen). Chris' sentences all end with "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SORRY!!!"
Diane and Joyce compare breast sag. Chris judges. Diane loses by a disgusting margin. When Chris sees them he can only scream "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY" repeatedly
Joyce, Bonnie, Tricia and Diane have a "Mom Wars" competition to see which one of their babies can survive being locked in a hot car and left in a parking lot for the longest amount of time
(Court) Chris is on trial for 16 indecent exposure charges. Chris only says "OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE" in response to everything. Every time Chris speaks Judge Blackman yells "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
Judge Blackman had a bad day at the courthouse, and during a court case against Peter for public shitting, he starts all of his sentences with “Shut the fuck up!”
Peter wants a BBC transplant and tries to bribe Jerome to hand his BBC over. Every bribe drives Jerome closer to being persuaded. Jerome accepts in the end with pictures of dirty laundry
Consuela takes apart Stewie's time machine and cleans all the parts with water, soap and lemon pledge, completely ruining them. Stewie is outraged. Consuela explains it was covered in dust
backyard: the family is upset with Consuela because she filled the kiddie pool with lemon pledge and put stewie in it, resulting in his skin being extremely white.
Seamus weaves a tale of high seas fantasy epic about legendary pirate, Long Dick Semens, and his many erotic adventures in the sexy islands of Asslvania (30 lines) (Seamus ONLY)
(Shepherd and Chris only) Shepherd starts and ends every sentence with "Holy shit...". Shepherd is really, *really* high on weed. He's absolutely tripping the fuck out
(Frontyard) Each character describes how they are going to violently kill and cook Ernie. Ernie is only capable of saying and responding to each threat with "HOLY SHIT"
Ernie wakes up in a KFC being managed by Carter, being prepared to be turned into the biggest fried chicken bucket ever. Ernie begs to be released but Carter revels in his incoming world record.
(Title: Herbert's choice) Death tells Chat he was going to tell Herbert either how or when he would die, but Herbert kicked the bucket while Death was in traffic. Chris cheers. (Death & Chris ONLY)
Death allows the Evil Monkey to learn either how or when he will die, but not both. The Evil Monkey must make a choice. Death must reveal the details. (Outside, Death and the Evil Monkey only)
News: Diane is not present. Death allows Tom to learn either how or when he will die, but not both. Tom must make a choice. Death must reveal the details.
Death allows Mr Beast to learn either how or when he will die, but not both. Mr Beast must make a choice. Death must reveal the details. (Outside, Death and Mr Beast only)
Jesus explains the top ten reasons Cleveland will be damned to hell. Cleveland can only say “Well, I’ll be damned.” and nothing else (Jesus and Cleveland only)
jesus has had enough of being the voice of reason. he calls everyone out one by one and damns them all to hell. everyone else can only say "skill issue"
(Jesus and Hartman only) Jesus lists Hartmans sins at the pearly gates and explains why he's going to hell. Drive Hartman is cursed to only say "I Dr."
Jesus tells Peter he added 24 new commandments. Jesus tells Peter to find it on the internet by searching "Jesus Rule 34". Peter permanently traumatized
Heaven: Diane has died after being murdered by Muriel after she got resurrected, but God doesn't let her go to heaven. God then lists many crimes she did under one breath (Exclude Muriel).
several people are here to get into Heaven, they are in line as follows: Tricia, Cleveland, Consuela and Carter. God immediately says “Nope, go to hell” to everyone in line but Carter
God denys Neil entrance to heaven for being an atheist. Everything Neil says begins with "Erm, acktually". Neil's tone is super condescending. God banishes him to the cock torture pit in hell.